|
014 - BACKDATED 14 Jan 1998
|
Jan. 18th, 2008 @ 09:43 pm
|
|---|
Full moon two nights ago. I survived... in case anyone cared.
[Private; Visible to Severus ONLY]
They're more bearable with Severus around, of course, but I'm still nervous that something could happen with the potion and... well, I don't like to think about it.
Dora refused to comment about me getting a fertility test. I've scheduled an appointment for next month; it was the earliest one I could get. I'm sure they'll come back that I'm as sterile as a sheet of parchment, but she's become neurotic enough that I'm fairly certain even presenting her with the proof won't make her believe it. I think... she's actually... insane.
Spending Severus' birthday with him was nice. Calming. Especially after that stupid comment I made. Unfortunately, the date is now forever stuck in my mind, and I'll be celebrating it properly next year, whether Severus likes it or not.
[/Private]
In other news... the Dementors seem to be amassing in London, though I've yet to figure out to what purpose. It's brought gloom and and melancholy over the entire city and I've gone through horrendous supplies of chocolate just to make it through it. Honeydukes must be doing a booming business. |
|
013 - 24 Dec 1997
|
Dec. 24th, 2007 @ 11:43 pm
|
|---|
[Private]
I've yet to figure out if I should reply to Dora or send her something for the baby for Christmas or... or what. She says she's sorry and she's calmed down and she's going to give me space...
I'm not sure I believe her.
I spent a week or so trying to figure out what to get or make Severus for Christmas. I don't expect anything, but... I felt I HAD to give him something. I finally settled on making him something. I'm sure he'll call me paranoid. What else do you call someone who carved a St. Brigid's Cross talisman out of elder wood because it's known for its protective qualities, engraved the back with the rune for protection and then charmed it? Paranoid. It's the only possible reaction for him to have. I hope he doesn't mind that I didn't buy it or a chain for it, and I settled for a cheap leather string that I picked up for near nothing. I don't think he'll even notice. He'll be too busy calling me paranoid.
Maybe I shouldn't give it to him. Maybe... maybe I should just wait to see if he got me something.
[/Private]
[Private to Severus]
Do... we have Christmas plans? I... haven't heard anything... and the students left two days ago, right? I just... didn't know if... I mean...
I hope everything is all right.
Just let me know when you have time to see me.
[/Private] |
|
012 - 01 Dec 1997
|
Dec. 5th, 2007 @ 08:21 pm
|
|---|
[Private; Visible to Severus]
She's insane. Fucking insane. It's my child, and I'm a fucking liar. She fucking admitted to having sex with some random fucking man... Newt fucking Scamander or some other asshole with the same last name... and I'm the fucking liar. Stupid cunt. Stupid whore of a cunt.
She's going to come here and yell at me at the top of her lungs about how I'm a liar, when she's the one who fucked around on me and then tried to fucking lie about it when anyone with half a brain who works in her field knows that werewolves can't conceive children. Did she honestly expect me not to know? Did she honestly expect me to raise another man's child while she and all of her little Ministry friends sat around and laughed at me?
She's fucking psychotic. She knows I love her? Fuck. I NEVER loved her. I felt sorry for her. I felt sorry for myself... thought if I was going to find somebody it might as well be someone who loved me... or seemed to. Completely fucking psychotic. She's the only one for me? Please. It's like... dealing with a sick, immature, obsessed teenager who's first boyfriend just broke up with them...
and then she exploded when I told her that I'd found somebody else and that I'd be there for the child if it was mine, but that we were over. She lost her fucking mind.... went shrieking from the room as if I were trying to kill her.
I can't take it any fucking more. It gets worse and worse every time I see her. The next time... I just MIGHT kill her.
[/Private] |
|
011 - 14th Nov 1997
|
Nov. 14th, 2007 @ 11:21 am
|
|---|
[Private; Visible to Severus]
Full Moon.
Now I know I'm insane. I'm actually starting to look forward to it.
Nymphadora asked me to come see her in the morning. She wants to make sure I've survived the night, I suppose. I grunted noncomittally and told her if she was so concerned she could drag herself to see me at the Leaky.
Severus is rubbing off on me.
Further proof of my insanity that even though my body is aching in the most painful way, and I can't keep food down, I found that statement to be somehow appealing.
added five minutes after the rest of the entry
Severus, please tell me you had nothing to do with Luna's sudden and complete immersion in insanity a fantasy world.
[/Private] |
|
010 - 04 Nov 1997
|
Nov. 4th, 2007 @ 12:24 am
|
|---|
|
009 - 09 Oct 1997
|
Oct. 9th, 2007 @ 10:36 pm
|
|---|
( Private; Visible to Severus )
[Private to the Order; Visible to Severus]
Just two quick bits of information:
The Prophet on 1 Oct ran a story about "missing muggles" that got me thinking. They were asking who was hiding all the Muggleborns, and of course, the answer right now is... no one. But... why can't we? With just a little organisation we should be able to get those who are on the "Most Wanted" list out of the country and onto the continent. There has to be something more that we can do. Just sitting around waiting for Harry to unleash his brilliant final plan and slay the bastard isn't working. If nothing else, we can cause him some minor irritation.
Also, I ran into Lee Jordan, and we formulated a bit of a plan. What we need more than ever is information. We're going to attempt a WWN Broadcast with the truth. Someone has to dispell these rumours from the Ministry and the Prophet, and the Quibbler isn't reaching enough people. You must have the passphrase to listen to the Broadcast - October 14 @ 7pm. This week it's snitch. Pass it on to those you can trust.
[/Private]
[Private to the DA]
Tune in your Wizarding Wireless Sets using the passphrase snitch October 14th @ 7pm.
[/Private] |
|
008 - 30 Sept 1997
|
Sep. 30th, 2007 @ 09:58 am
|
|---|
[Private; visible to Order and DA Members... and Severus]
Ted Tonks went on the run sometime last week. Andromeda wouldn't tell us exactly when, but the Ministry went looking for him, and he wasn't at home several times during the week. They took Andie in on questioning and finally released her, because even under veritaserum she couldn't tell them where he was... of course, that doesn't mean anything, Andie always was good at potions and she had enough warning that they were coming to take an antidote.
Anyway, the point is, keep your eye out for him. Knowing Ted he won't want to burden you for long, but he may need some place to stay for a few hours.
Dora's under tons of pressure at work now, because of me and her father. Rumour has it, Umbridge is talking about tightening werewolf legislation. If it happens, my guess is it won't happen any time soon. The Dark Lord finds Fenrir and the few werewolves on his side to be far too useful while he's trying to hunt down all the Muggleborns and the Undesireables.
Oh, also, I know there were rumours about a Trace being on His name. The rumours have been confirmed. Spread the word that saying the words "Lord Volde..." instantly lower any protective wards around you and allows them to track you. I have NO idea what sort of magic this is that targets words and not objects, but it's unlike anything I've ever seen.... thus, my reluctance to even write them. To be completely honest, I'm not sure if this will work on the wards at Hogwarts or not. I have a hard time believing that someone could create any magic that would destroy the work of the Founders, but who knows? It's best not to tempt it. If you MUST talk about him, it's best to come up with some phrase unique to you and your friends.
[/Private]
[Private]
I haven't heard from Severus since I told him I cared about him. Funny, that. I tell him how I feel and he disappears. I wish I could say I wasn't upset, but I can't. I don't like to lie unless I have to.
I wish there was some way I could get the information about the Trace to Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Obviously, they've stopped talking about him since the first, because the Ministry is having a damn hard time finding them, but that doesn't mean they know about it. Just that they've been lucky. There's a lot of information that needs to be out and about... and not locked into the Order's circle. There are more people than the Order can contact who need to know these things.
[/Private] |
|
007 - 17 Sept 1997
|
Sep. 17th, 2007 @ 10:26 pm
|
|---|
[Hexed Extremely Private to Severus; any attempt to break the hex will result in a magical splenectomy]
Is using the Cruciatus on students standard practice now? Did you know it was happening?
How convenient that it would happen when you were away from the castle and had a perfect excuse not to know what was going on...
[/Private] |
|
006 - 10 Sept 1997
|
Sep. 10th, 2007 @ 10:27 pm
|
|---|
[Private to Severus]
Do you have a rule against students possessing The Quibbler? I don't want to get anyone in trouble.
[/Private] |
|
005 - 8 Sept 1997
|
Sep. 8th, 2007 @ 12:10 pm
|
|---|
[Private]
Dora and I have been fighting. I've told her where I'm going for the change and she doesn't think it's safe. Safe? Nothing is safe when I'm a werewolf. At least this way there's less of a chance of me hurting her or some other innocent person. She doesn't get it. I won't have the wolfsbane. I'm not going to be docile. It's not going to be pretty.
[/Private]
Other than a lack of quidditch and the questionable nature of DADA lessons (as usual), how are things going at Hogwarts?
[Private to Severus]
I really hate to ask you this, but... are you too busy to brew the Wolfsbane Potion? You're the only one I trust to do it. I bought some last month that left me hung over and sick for a week. I'm not sure the aconite they used was fresh... or perhaps they used too much. Whatever the case, I don't think I want to risk going through that again.
[/Private] |
|
004 - 2 Sept 1997
|
Sep. 2nd, 2007 @ 09:38 pm
|
|---|
[Hexed Private to Severus]
Dear Severus,
You canceled quidditch? Way to win support. I'm sure all of the students shall love you for all of eternity now.
Tell me. Has anyone managed to poison your soup, yet?
Remus
[/Private] |
|
003 - 31 August 1997
|
Aug. 31st, 2007 @ 10:01 pm
|
|---|
[Private]
How DARE he? How dare he yell at me and tell me I was being irresponsible and declare that I'm being a bad father. I'm NOT EVEN the father, and I'm the one who's going to be taking care of him. Her. Whatever.
I'm just so damn frustrated. Why the hell can't I trust someone? First, Sirius. Yeah, I know... he didn't ACTUALLY do it, but he might as well have for how much it hurt me. Then, I found out the truth about Peter. Then Severus... and now... Dora. Why must everyone betray me? Why must everyone do their ruddy best to crush me?
And Severus... what... I... don't even know what to think about him. He could read my message about Dora, which means that he was actually loyal to Albus, but he continues to taunt me, insult me, at every freaking turn. He acts as if he misses me but he insists on pressing every one of my buttons. It's almost as if he likes to see me upset.
But now, I go back to Dora, and I put on my happy face, and I go about my business, preparing to raise a child who isn't mine and who will never know it.
[/Private]
[Private to Severus]
Big day tomorrow. Nervous yet?
[/Private] |
|
002 - 21 August 1997
|
Aug. 21st, 2007 @ 08:38 pm
|
|---|
[Hexed Private]
I feel bad... for the things I said. I mean, I realise that the very fact he could read through my hex means that he was, no, is loyal to Albus... even if not to me. I shouldn't have been so harsh. But I'm angry at him... for lying to me... or at the very least keeping secrets from me. Maybe he had to... but... the least he could have done was given me some warning.
Except he didn't, and now I've gone and done something absolutely ridiculous - marrying someone I don't love just so I'm not alone anymore. Someone I thought I could trus not to betray me. HAH! What bollocks. I couldn't trust her as much as I thought I could.
Merlin almighty, everything is all mucked up, and I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to tell Dora I know... but how can I do that? She's so happy... so excited to be having our baby.
Surely Severus knows that werewolves can't reproduce sexually... with his expertise in the Dark Arts... he has to know. Which is probably why he was taunting me so.
Ug... I don't know what to do or who to trust... if anyone.
[/Private]
[Hexed Private to Severus]
I suppose I forgot to say... congratulations on your appointment.
[/Private] |
|
001 - August 19, 1997
|
Aug. 19th, 2007 @ 07:12 pm
|
|---|
[Hexed Private; Visible to of Age Order Members, Order Sympathisers, and those TRULY loyal to Albus Dumbledore]
Dora's pregnant. I'm going to be a father.
[/Private]
[Hexed Private]
Except... there's one problem. Werewolves don't have children. Not that we don't choose to... we CAN'T. We perpetuate our species through biting. There's no need for sexual reproduction. It's not like it's common knowledge... so it's not as if she could know.
I don't want to ruin her happiness by telling her that I know. I can't. I'm prepared to raise a child... even if it isn't mine.
[/Private] |
|
|
